if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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