remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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