drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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