Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
