There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
