is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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