I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
