did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
