dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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