i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
