Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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