at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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