Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
