I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize