Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
