Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
