I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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