I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
