I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Oh god it's open bar.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
