First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
