Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
