its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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