Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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