they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize