Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
