at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
