I just pynch a tree in the face
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize