Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
