I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
