when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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