I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
