The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
