i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize