sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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