Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
