Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
