guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
