Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
