i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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