my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
