what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
