just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Im part way to drunk.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
