You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
