so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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