I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
