It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
