They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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