I think my vagina is haunted
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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