Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
