Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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