i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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