We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
