Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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