Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Panties = found
Randomize
