ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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