Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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