I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
