My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
