May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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