Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
