So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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