Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
