I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
