thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
