can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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