People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
