I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
