Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My life is pants optional.
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