Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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