He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I had to cum in my sink.
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