you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize