i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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