Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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