Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
