Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
