Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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