Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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