you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
