After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Don't tell me you're on acid again
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
God, I missed his penis.
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