U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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