I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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