Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
