YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
