i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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