I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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