if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
