I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Life is so much better after having sex.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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