Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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