I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
