I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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