Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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