I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
try to milk me bitch
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