now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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