You made me cry and you don't even care
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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