At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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