Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
