You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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