good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
