who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize