Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
