Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
