Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
